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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit the road on Jl. Raya Terbanggi-Besar, right? Traffic was a nightmare. Like, seriously, who taught these drivers how to drive? I mean, come on! I almost lost my mind. I was stuck behind this old dude in a rusty motorbike. He was going 20 km/h in a 60 zone! I was like, “Dude, it’s not a Sunday stroll!”

Indonesian government to step up Trans-Sumatra toll road construction